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How Do You Respond to a GOMOR for Adultery or Fraternization?

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Short answer: Respond carefully, because a GOMOR for adultery or fraternization usually rests on thin evidence, often just text messages, and your rebuttal can either narrow the finding to something survivable or confirm the worst version of it. Civilian military defense lawyer Alexandra González-Waddington of Gonzalez & Waddington advises soldiers to pin down exactly what is alleged, hold the command to what the evidence actually proves, and choose one of three strategies: contest, narrow, or accept and mitigate.

In this video, Alexandra González-Waddington explains the difference between adultery, fraternization, and an “inappropriate relationship,” and how to build a rebuttal for each.

What is the difference between adultery, fraternization, and an inappropriate relationship?

The words in your GOMOR matter, because each one has its own elements. Adultery is now charged under Article 134 of the UCMJ as extramarital sexual conduct. It requires actual sexual conduct with someone other than your spouse, not texting, dinner, or an emotional relationship.

Fraternization under Article 134 covers improper relationships between officers and enlisted members. Army policy in AR 600-20 is broader: it also prohibits relationships between soldiers of different ranks that compromise the chain of command, create the appearance of favoritism, or involve a trainer or recruiter and a trainee or recruit.

Many reprimands lump these together as an “inappropriate relationship.” Part of your rebuttal’s job is to separate what is alleged from what is proven.

What evidence is usually used in a relationship GOMOR?

In most of these cases, the evidence is text messages, social media, and one or two witness statements. That evidence often shows that a relationship of some kind existed.

It rarely proves the actual elements: that sexual conduct occurred, that the relationship affected the chain of command, or that one person was in the other’s supervisory chain. Your rebuttal should hold the general to the actual findings, not the rumor.

What are my options for responding to an adultery or fraternization GOMOR?

There are three strategies, and the right one depends on your facts.

  • Contest the finding. If the investigation found adultery but the evidence shows only a friendship or emotional connection, say so and attach the messages that prove it. If the fraternization finding depends on a supervisory relationship that did not exist, show the organizational chart.
  • Narrow the finding. Admit what is true, such as an inappropriate relationship that showed poor judgment, and rebut what is not, such as adultery or abuse of position. A reprimand on a lesser basis affects the filing decision and how future boards read it.
  • Accept and mitigate. When the facts are proven, the fight is about filing. Focus on responsibility, circumstances, rehabilitation, your record, and retention letters, and ask for local filing.

What should I not do after a relationship GOMOR?

Do not contact the other person about the GOMOR. If there is a no-contact order, that is a new violation; if there is not, it still looks like you are coordinating your stories.

Do not write a rebuttal that sounds proud of the relationship or argues the rule is unfair. Do not deny a relationship the messages plainly show, because the general will read those messages.

And do not assume a GOMOR is minor because you were not charged criminally. Relationship GOMORs are filed permanently all the time.

What other consequences can follow an adultery or fraternization GOMOR?

If you are married, the GOMOR and the investigation may come up in a divorce. If the other person was a subordinate, a relief for cause may follow. Officers should expect a referred evaluation and possibly a show-cause board.

If the other person now says the relationship was not consensual, stop and call a lawyer immediately. That is a criminal investigation, not just a GOMOR, and anything you write can be used against you.

What to do right now

  1. Find your response deadline in the GOMOR memo and request an extension in writing if you need it.
  2. Get the full packet, including the investigation and every message or statement the general relied on.
  3. Compare the exact words of the GOMOR to what the evidence actually proves.
  4. Do not contact the other person, and follow any no-contact order to the letter.
  5. Pick your strategy, contest, narrow, or mitigate, with a lawyer before you write a word.
  6. Gather retention letters from leaders who know about the allegation and still support you.

Key takeaways

  • Adultery under Article 134 requires actual sexual conduct, not texts or an emotional relationship.
  • Fraternization rules under Article 134 and AR 600-20 depend on rank, the chain of command, and supervisory relationships.
  • Most relationship GOMORs rest on messages that show a relationship but not the elements.
  • Choose one strategy: contest the finding, narrow it, or accept it and fight the filing.
  • Never contact the other person or deny what the messages plainly show.

Frequently asked questions

Can I get a GOMOR for adultery if I was never charged?

Yes. A GOMOR is an administrative action, so the command does not need a criminal charge or conviction. The general only needs to believe the misconduct happened based on the investigation.

Is texting someone adultery in the military?

No. Extramarital sexual conduct under Article 134 requires actual sexual conduct. Texting may still support a finding of an inappropriate relationship, which is why your rebuttal should address exactly what the messages show and do not show.

Can a fraternization GOMOR be filed locally?

Yes. Under AR 600-37 the general decides between local and permanent filing. A rebuttal that narrows the finding, shows rehabilitation, and includes command support gives the general a reason to file locally.

Should I attach text messages to my rebuttal?

Only if they help you. Messages that show a friendship rather than a sexual relationship, or that disprove a supervisory link, can be strong evidence. Review them with a lawyer first, because the wrong message can confirm the allegation.

Video transcript

Read the full transcript of this video

You got a general officer memorandum of reprimand for adultery or fraternization. How do you respond? Carefully. Because these are the reprimands where the facts are usually thin. The evidence is usually a phone, and the rebuttal can either narrow the finding to something survivable or confirm the worst version of it. I’m Alexandra González-Waddington, civilian military defense lawyer and co-founder of Gonzalez & Waddington. Here’s how to approach them.

First, know what you’re actually accused of because the words matter. Adultery is now charged under Article 134 as extramarital sexual conduct and it requires sexual intercourse. Not texting, not dinner, not an emotional relationship. Fraternization is a relationship between an officer and an enlisted member. Or under Army policy in AR 600-20, any relationship between soldiers that compromises the chain of command, creates the appearance of favoritism, or involves a recruiter or trainer and a recruit or trainee. An inappropriate relationship general officer memorandum of reprimand often lumps these together. And part of the rebuttal is separating what’s alleged from what’s proven.

Second, the evidence. In nearly every one of these cases, the evidence is text messages, social media, and one or two statements. The investigation usually establishes that a relationship of some kind existed. It rarely establishes the elements, that intercourse occurred, that the relationship affected the chain of command, that either person was in the other’s supervisory line. The rebuttal’s first job is to hold the general to the actual findings.

Third, the strategy choices. There are three, and which one is right depends on the facts.

Option one, contest the finding. If the investigation found adultery, but the evidence shows only a friendship or an emotional connection, say so with the messages that prove it. If the fraternization finding depends on a supervisory relationship that didn’t exist, show the org chart. This works when the investigation overreached.

Option two, narrow the finding. Acknowledge what’s true, an inappropriate relationship that showed poor judgement, and rebut what isn’t, the adultery or the abuse of position. The general still issues the reprimand, but on a lesser basis, which affects the filing decision and how a future board reads it.

Option three, accept and mitigate. When the facts are proven and the conduct is what the general officer memorandum of reprimand says, the fight is entirely about filing. Responsibility, circumstances, rehabilitation, record, and retention letters.

Fourth, what not to do. Don’t contact the other person about the general officer memorandum of reprimand. If there’s a no contact order, that’s a new violation. And if there isn’t, it looks like coordination. Don’t submit a rebuttal that reads as if you’re proud of it or think the rule is stupid. Don’t deny a relationship the messages plainly show. Generals read the messages. And don’t assume that because you weren’t charged criminally, the general officer memorandum of reprimand isn’t serious. Relationship general officer memorandums of reprimand go permanent constantly.

Fifth, the collateral issues. If you’re married, the general officer memorandum of reprimand may surface in a divorce. If the other person was a subordinate, a relief for cause may follow. If you’re an officer, expect a referred evaluation and possibly show cause. If the other person has now alleged the relationship wasn’t consensual, stop everything and call a lawyer because that’s a criminal investigation, not a general officer memorandum of reprimand.

So, general officer memorandum of reprimand for adultery or fraternization, how do you respond? Know the actual allegation. Hold them to the evidence. Pick the right strategy and never make it worse. I’m Alexandra González-Waddington, a civilian military defense lawyer and co-founder of Gonzalez & Waddington. We defend service members worldwide facing military investigations, courts-martial, administrative separation boards, and military disciplinary actions. If your career, reputation, or freedom is on the line, you need experienced military defense lawyers fighting for you. When the government builds a case, we build your defense. Visit ucmjdefense.com or call 1-800-921-8607 for a free, confidential consultation.

Talk to a military defense lawyer

Gonzalez & Waddington helps service members worldwide respond to GOMORs and letters of reprimand, Article 15s, investigations, courts-martial, and administrative separation boards. Michael Waddington, a former Army JAG officer, has been a lawyer for over 25 years. Call 1-800-921-8607 or visit ucmjdefense.com for a confidential consultation.

This article is general information, not legal advice. Every case is different, and reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship.

How Do You Respond to a GOMOR for Adultery or Fraternization?

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